Unable to sleep, I spend the whole night seeing her all by itself...

And seeing it always in ways different
from where I see her in person.
I fashion thoughts from my memory 
of how she is when she talks to me 
on the phone.
and in each thought she's a variation 
on her likeness.
To love is to think.
and from thinking of her so much,
I almost forget to feel.
I don't really know what I want,
even from her,
and she's all I think of.
Do I ?
My distraction is as large as life.
when I feel like being with her,
not so often any more.
So as not to have to leave her afterwards.
And I prefer thinking about her, 
because I'm a little afraid of her as
she really is.
I don't really know what I want,
and I don't even want to know what I want.
All I want is to think, but can I think ?
I don't ask anything of anyone,
not even of her,
expect to let me think...