I never knew a soul who took a licking. My friends have all been champions at everything...

And I, so often vulgar,
so often obscene,
so often vile,
I, so deliberately parasitical,
Unforgivably filthy,
I, so often without patience to take
a bath,
I, who've been so ridiculous,
so absurd,
Tripping up in public on the carpet
of etiquette,
I, so grotesque and mean,
submissive and insolent,
Who've been insulted and not said a word,
And when putting a word in growing still
more ridiculous,
I who strike chambermaids as laughable,
I who feel porters wink sarcastically,
I who've been scandalous about money,
borrowing and not paying it back,
I, who when the time came to fight,
ducked as far as I could out of punching
range,
I who go into a sweet over slightest thing---
I'm convinced no one's better than I at
this sort of game.

Enough --- I'm fed up with demigods!
Where are the real people in this world ?